Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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