Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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