I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
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