he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
sarcasm needs its own font
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
