Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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