there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.