im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.