I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?