I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos