It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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