so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He has the fingertips of a God
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