No awkward lesbian experiences without me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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