i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
if only i could text you this smell
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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