I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
