and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
