There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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