I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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