I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
