Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
