i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
