Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
