I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
