I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I forget how to act sober
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize