Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
