So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We had to coat check the pizza.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
