O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
