well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
