what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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