she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
