Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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