I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
