its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
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If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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