I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
