God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
