I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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