The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
