Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
