why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
