Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The air was thick with penises
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize