i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Randomize
