Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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