i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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