i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
