two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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