Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
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I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
this is an emotional support booty call
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New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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