after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize