Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
