he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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