listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
