My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
