Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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