if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
