His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
