I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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