Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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