He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
