he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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