Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
