You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
