Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Randomize
