There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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