I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
