I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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