He kissed a someone with a penis
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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