after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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