I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
