It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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