Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
