I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
