This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he laminated a picture of his dick.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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