i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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