My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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