i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
