i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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