My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
