woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
