operation harelip BJ is a go
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
