I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
